My nipple is on Facebook.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
