Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
