Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
