I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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