soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
