i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
