I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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