I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
