Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
