Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
