Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
