I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i think i just lost a toe
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
