Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
