i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
