All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
