Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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