Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
