Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
