***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
