i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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