My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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