some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
