just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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