Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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