whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
