You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
