I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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