it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I want a musical about memes.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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