yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
