Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
