It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
