That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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