Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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