i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
