Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
