her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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