dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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