I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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