her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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