I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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