Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
