I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
