i barfeds in our rink
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
