Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
