and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
