i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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