can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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