just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
