I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
