Soap is not a condiment
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
