And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
